Null :

Joytruck Breakdown.

2006-10-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

Please vote for Null's design. A 5 would be enough. Thank you.
Hur Hur.

Good Hair Day

2006-10-19T01:24:00.000+08:00

Null decided to cut his own hair.

Miss Japan Should Have Won

2006-08-03T21:11:00.001+08:00

How To Enjoy Exquisite Din Tai Feng's Xiao Long Bao

2006-07-26T16:39:00.000+08:00

Cut

2006-07-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

Thanks baby, for the pictures.

China Square > Chinatown > MAAD

2006-07-04T22:10:00.000+08:00

Sorry but, MAAD was boring. Lucky for Null, it was near Chinatown, which was anything but boring.

Vibrant Style

2006-07-01T00:28:00.000+08:00

Very nice people at Vibrant Style, includes Chuanwei, Hui Ming, Darren, Jimmy, Adrian, Yvonne of Apple Tree Park and Alan of Shearnation. And, Happy Birthday, Alan.

The Present

Happy? Family.

Primarily primarynull

2006-05-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

Null's portfolio is now up at www.primarynull.com

Basheer FTW!

2006-04-22T16:57:00.000+08:00

A hundred dollar Basheer gift voucher (photoshopped to pose lomo) marks the end of Null's internship! Thanks to Ogilvy for the wonderful time. Null will post his internship porfolio as soon as possible. Null cries himself to sleep at the thought that he'll never go back to Ogilvy wonderland again.

PS.
Null will be reporting back for freelance next week.

Lorem ipsum

2006-04-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Etiam tempus. Fusce lobortis. Proin a nisl vitae lacus auctor faucibus. Donec odio. Etiam posuere euismod leo. Nunc id velit vel nisl consectetuer mollis. Fusce magna augue, mattis quis, porta nec, placerat ut, eros. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Nunc varius rhoncus magna. In sed metus in nisi interdum sagittis. Morbi vitae lorem vel libero laoreet rutrum.

Aliquam lectus nisi, feugiat a, tristique porta, sollicitudin vel, pede. Nam eget tortor sed tellus feugiat vestibulum. Aenean vel enim at neque posuere dapibus. Mauris sollicitudin pellentesque orci. Proin rhoncus euismod enim. Pellentesque feugiat. Etiam orci lacus, dignissim a, aliquam vel, molestie quis, felis. Proin dapibus metus id neque. Phasellus a quam quis quam ornare aliquet. Nulla placerat. Phasellus commodo quam ac augue. In ornare libero et mauris. Cras laoreet odio ut massa. Maecenas quam. Vivamus ut nibh. Mauris lacus mauris, tempus vehicula, dictum eu, lobortis a, sapien. Aliquam erat volutpat. In accumsan, massa sodales porttitor scelerisque, tellus nulla pellentesque massa, sed laoreet nisl nibh et tellus.

Ut laoreet, libero vitae convallis euismod, nulla risus pulvinar velit, et aliquam mi purus eget quam. Quisque tempor ipsum vel turpis. Quisque vitae nunc ut nisl rhoncus commodo. Praesent vehicula vulputate velit. Morbi lectus. Duis nec purus in eros suscipit semper. Donec pellentesque ultricies orci. Nulla pharetra, magna in convallis sodales, orci turpis sollicitudin nisl, vel cursus metus est a ipsum. Proin dapibus, erat tincidunt sodales interdum, turpis enim semper erat, et pretium velit libero non metus. Suspendisse potenti. Donec cursus faucibus arcu. Pellentesque dictum tortor eget enim. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.

Vestibulum tristique, mi sit amet condimentum posuere, lectus magna sagittis dui, eu pulvinar ipsum pede a ante. Nullam nec dolor ac metus eleifend sodales. Nunc orci magna, semper non, rutrum vitae, placerat faucibus, nulla. Suspendisse nonummy nulla at enim. Nulla commodo urna vel augue. Nullam tortor. Etiam tristique convallis urna. Morbi porta, metus non aliquet cursus, nisi nulla commodo tortor, a blandit orci lacus eu neque. Praesent convallis neque nec massa. Phasellus nunc neque, elementum et, iaculis nec, mattis vel, justo. Integer sit amet elit vel lectus porta dapibus. Praesent fringilla eleifend libero. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Morbi volutpat rhoncus nibh.

Praesent odio. Mauris congue, risus a posuere gravida, purus lacus molestie libero, vitae varius dui nibh eget lectus. Morbi ullamcorper mattis quam. Etiam quis orci ullamcorper nibh lobortis dictum. Nullam mi. Cras quis massa sit amet sem lacinia varius. Aliquam faucibus urna eu est. Duis cursus pede ac ligula commodo pharetra. Ut sollicitudin sapien in lacus. Phasellus pulvinar leo. Sed iaculis. Pellentesque ornare facilisis justo. Nullam lobortis erat. Nullam ut purus. Donec nisl nisl, laoreet et, bibendum ac, varius ut, mi. Nunc blandit. Maecenas dignissim, sapien a adipiscing lobortis, turpis neque bibendum tortor, eget volutpat sem purus eu pede. In sit amet urna vitae velit tempus bibendum.

Moments

2006-03-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

Edit :
While Null may have plenty of girlfriends, from spastic babes to hot Levi's models, Null has rejected all of them and is still very will hot and burningly unavailable.

Edit 2 :
Due to the request of a certain estranged lady, Null had only left the best looking photo up.

Here are some photos in no particular order.

Being spastic with Nicole.

Not being spastic with Nicole and Lihui.

This right here is the first book Null ever bought. Null decided to book the ballroom in Mandarin Hotel to celebrate this milestone of his life. But you're not invited.

Here are some random shots of the Levi's shoot on Sunday, which was held at the photographers own studio.

Null likes to think that they are all fashion magazines, but he knows better.

Null fucking loves the place even though the rent can feed a third-world country.

Kay, the coordinator of the shoot.

Some photos Ivan did for Woods and Woods.

Null wanted to take it home. But all of us know that borrowing without asking is consided by closed-minded people as a crime.

Jonathan, the stylist on the left and Shawn, the designer on the right.

Rob, Ivan and Shawn looking at the clips that was just shot.

Ivan, Model-Whom-Null-Forgot-The-Name, Shawn, Jonathan and a make-up artist.

Ivan, the photographer is the one in the middle is fucking talented. And he has this really cute Japanese apprentice, but Null didn't get a chance to snap her.

This is the last model who was the stiffest one of them all. Still, she's hot. In geek terms, Null would like to say, "(.) (.) ~ 0.o... =p~~~~~~~~)".

Internship

2006-03-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

Hello, Null has so many things to say about his internship that he decided to photo blog for the next few posts. The following pictures paints his thousand words. So, do imagine them like in the Matrix where strings of code form pictures.

This is where Null's brains are overworked.

This is where the Kangaroo look at the creatives and laughs at their ideas.

This is Null's source files, in nicely named CDs.

This is the name at Null's table. Null does not know who it belongs to, but he didn't mind because its a fucking nice name.

This is the lovable project manager, Stephanie who looks young but is actually very old.

This is Null's road to diabetes.

This is San, another lovable designer. They are all lovable.

This is the project manager again with a yandao. Lucky girl.

This is Stanley being jealous of the yandao.

These are some of Null's impressive colleagues.
Diana of www.flea-circus.net
Xavier of www.shiftattack.com
Melvin who founded www.ffurious.com

This is Null saying bye bye.

Design 247365

2006-03-05T08:50:00.000+08:00

Hello. It’s been awhile since Null blogged. He's just having the experience of a lifetime. No, there wasn’t any college orgies that Null attended. It was more than that.

Even since internship started, Null has been going into a whole new level of design that he never thought was possible. Only one week in and Null's experience was unbelievable. The people, environment and work were the ideal for Null. As Null’s coursemates complained about how tough internship is, Null, although being constantly bombarded with projects, loves it. He’s literally been designing 24/7 for the past week. And understanding that the past paragraph look like its from his log book, he has to say he fucking love his work.

Here’s a typical conversation from a meeting for a school project:

Noob designer 1: Eh, so how ah this design?

Null: MY EYES! You pompous bastard, were u giving birth while you were doing this?

Noob designer 2: I like it. But we have to pay a dollar to buy a file to put the brief in. That’s too much for me. We’ll have to split the cost. Say… 3.333333333…

Null: What the fuck is wrong with you?!?! It’s fucking a dollar, your pampers cost more than that.

Noob designer 1: Ya lor, expensive. I’ll just go ahead with the design.

Null: Noooooooooooooooooooo. Why am I surrounded by idiots?!

Conversation from a meeting to do up a site in Ogilvy would be like this:

733t designer: Here’s the design.

Creative director: I fucking love this. Simply brilliant.

733t designer: We’ll need a model for it as well as a voice recognition technology. I think Takuya Kimura’s coming in, we should get him.

Creative designer: I think it’ll be cool to get original sound and some 3d, though the budget is just 100k. Work cheap, alright?

Null: ……

That’s why Null loves working there. On an unrelated note, Priscelia and Null have been helping Ingrid doing her vector works till about 4 in the morning. Now you see where 24/7 comes in. Null did this vector and decided to change it a little to make a “poster” for our little rushing session.

Cheers.

Spray Day

2006-01-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

Today, Null woke up on the left side of his bed. Then, he felt that he had got up the wrong side of the bed. Thus, he went back to sleep.

When he woke up again, he realised he woke up on the left side of his bed again! He went back to sleep again in disbelief.

Waking up several hours later, he found himself on the left side again! In utter bewilderment, he pulled hair and wreaked brains over why as to this will happen.

It was then he realised his bed was by the wall. He will never forget this enlightenment for as long as he lives.

Anyway, waking up on the wrong side of the bed today left Null feeling indefinitely fucked up. He was so fucked up that Null decided to paint his deck.

Taking out the bolts and nuts from the excuse of a deck was a chore. Null had to wake up few neighbours who invited the armed forces over for terrorist suspicious. You can’t blame them; they were deprived of the mass terror drill, staying here in Punggol and all.

The dude's gonna eat my deck, I swear.

With them out of the way, Null moved on to the next phase of deconstruction. However, to his horror, Null did not have any sandpaper. But lo’ and behold, he has his super rough, alligator-skinned toilet paper.

"Buns Of Steel" paper

After the base coat of white, Null juggled between letting it dry and watching television. There was some documentary about a cockroach-loving dude. Null hates cockroaches and watching the show makes him feel like crushing one, splattering its guts to the corner of the room.

Great design here. (See final product)

Veering back to the topic, Null sacrificed his smooth fingers to a task of cutting cardboard for stencils. He had to do not one, but two stencils. Nulls’ knifing skills upped a notch, just like that time when he knifed that……

Null's failing printer chose the colours.

Dang. Null peed his pants with his designs.

With the stencils done, Null got down to do his thang with the limited spray cans that he has. Unfortunately, his thang was misspelled, thus resulting in a very unclean stencil.

Base stencil looks good. From far.

After about an hour of touching up, Null felt his deck was decent enough to show. The teeth not being straight were intentional. Cough.

Sit! Stay! Bo Chup!

Aftermath. Told you Null wet his pants.

Ogilvy Mama

2005-12-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

Null has been officially accepted into OgilvyOne Worldwide.
No, he did not do sexual favours along the way.
No, he will not do any for you unless you're hot and young.

In the light of this, Null decided to spend almost every minute of his remaining days to brush up his skills and expand his design portfolio. So, if you happen to stumble into this blog and its updated, you jolly well kiss the floor and praise Null.

Anyway, Null will be updating soon. Please prepare lip balm if you live under void decks.
Immigrant.

Design Ers

2005-11-19T20:23:00.000+08:00

Null is an ET from outerspace,
come to Singapore to buy toothpaste.
Your grandma has a monkey face.
Monkey face, monkey face.

In the hype of the designer's festival, Null the critic will bring you on a spectacular, spectacular.

What the fuck?!

Don't be surprised. When it comes to design, Null is the sexpert. He has a damn impressive design background. Don't believe, see for yourself.

Impressive design background.

Okay, with all that settled, let him first bring you to Street Tease 2005, held inconveniently at the 3rd floor (never knew there was a third floor) of Bugis Street.

It was a event with a bunch of designer guys from some design group called, "Black Convoy".

However, there was nothing much to do except some sketching and criticising. And of course, if you had to LOOK for something to do at a design event, it's quite bad.

Let's see what Null got his hands dirty in...

That's right. Wandering around, Null found a place where he decided to leave a piece of his uber prowess in design. But alas, things did not go as planned. Digital artist plus spray can equals? Shit designs.

Omg! Your eyes!

Still, the place was really cool.

Null was practicing until he was stopped by the organiser. (Why you ask? For being too fucking good.)

Deciding to blow this joint, Null and his friends decided to head for Null's crib to show you some uber ownage design workspace.

Entrance to hellish designs

Null likes to greet his guests with a hellish looking picture which shows the Devil slaying everyone. A small engraving at the bottom, hardly visible, says, "Made in China".

"Welcome to Hell"

Bengala the shit-nosed reindeer was there to scare the shit out of everyone. But then again, Null doesn't have guests over very much. Probably why its like...

Where's everybody?

There were some killer designs around though.

My sneakers, heh. I wish.

Null has very few clothes

The workspace which spawned ublets of designs

PS. Will upload more soon.

Gosu Cyber Games Grand Finals 2005

2005-11-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

Null is very tired from a day of game-watching, therefore he shall just leave you with an entry with minimal words, and a definite mission to bore non-gamers.

xellos_kr Vs Enemy

Null arrived at the arena and could instantly feel the gosu-ness of the players. Null and his friends actually took a cab to catch the Xellos match in time. Null is a warcraft player, but came specially to watch Starcraft only because Xellos was playing.

For those of you who are foreign to who he is, he's the world's best Starcraft : Brood War player. He's like a super mega star in Korea, kinda like Null in Singapore. There was no chance to take a photo with him during the event because he confined himself within the competition area, gh3y-training. Null chanced upon him when the event was over (Null swears he didn't stalk him) and manage to get a shot.

The guy who took the photo for us was actually from National Geographic and was shooting a documentary for Xellos, he actually followed him all the way from Korea.

Xellos being interviewed by a Korean crew right after winning a game

There were a bunch of Koreans girls following Xellos around, the National Geographer told us that Airwalk, a bag company sponsored 20 girls to follow him around in Singapore. They had to write postcards in to the Xellos telling him how much they wanted to be there, and Xellos would pick twenty from the lot. This gives you an idea of how popular he is in Korea. Its not hard to see why he's so popular, given how most of the other pro gamers look. He took down our emails to inform when the show airs. Null managed to shake Xello's hand before he left, Null will never wash his hands again. He hopes uber micro is contagious.

Null and his friends, like some crazy fanboys, went around taking photos of and with some of the best gamers in the world. All this while, Fiona Xie and Ben Yeo were walking around, very much ignored.

Null nailed a shot with FOV (the one in the middle), the best undead race player for Warcraft III : Frozen Throne in the world.

It isn't a wonder why he's the best undead player in the world. Look at that face.

Null took a few more pictures of WE.SoJu and 4k.Fov and also 4k.Zeus while they were practicing, did not have a chance to take with Grubby.

4k.FoV with WE.SoJu

4k.FoV in a practice match with 4k.Zeus

Going through their replay together

To sum the day up, legs pain, eyes tired, feel like playing game.

The Visit Of Mr. Procrasination

2005-11-01T10:14:00.000+08:00

Wait.

Fingers tired. Needa rest for a little while.

Ah. Okay, Null is done with his warm-up. Why this post came in so late was also because of research.

Procrastination, where in this case often referred to by Null as his friends as 'Tu-ing' or delaying. First off, the power of procrastination can never be underestimated. A lot of you on-the-ball nincompoops think it’s really cool to be on time, doing things right when you have the time. But what happens when you're late for just five minutes through unforeseen circumstances?

That's right, you get royally owned by this thing called expectations. If you don't understand here’s what I meant.

Situation 1 : Non-procrastinator (5 minutes late)
Non-procrastinator : Phew, hey Jim. Sorry, I'm late. The bus was a little slower than normal today.
Jim : I WILL CONTEMPLATE YOUR MURDER USING MY BODILY FLUID AS A WEAPON THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE LATE AND YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE, YOU POMPOUS PIECE OF MONKEY CRAP! Ok, so where do you wanna go?

Situation 2 : Procrastinator (3 hours late)
Procrastinator : Hey Jim, waited long?
Jim : I WILL CONTEMPLATE SUCIDE USING MY BODILY FLUID AS A WEAPON THE NEXT TIME I COME SO EARLY, IF NOT I'M A POMPOUS PIECE OF MONKEY CRAP! Ok, so where do you wanna go?

See how the second one worked in your flavor?

I know, I know. Some of you are just too rigid to try procrastination. Worry not, Null is here. Let the master show you the path to the dark side. There are many things that could be done to be a true, blue procrastinator. Let’s start from a day Null is meeting Jim at say... 3 p.m.

7 a.m :
Rise and shine!

7 a.m :
Right.......

11 a.m (At least) :
Rise and shine! Null will usually roll around the bed for an hour. He's afraid to get off the wrong side of the bed, though one side of the bed is against the wall. So, its either he’s getting off right everyday, or maybe, just maybe.... The wrong side of the bed! *Gasp!!

12 a.m :
Bed rolling session is done, bed has been made mid-roll. Remember, being a procrastinator doesn't mean you have to give up other virtues like neatness. There have a word for people who doesn't have any virtues, and it’s called, "you".

1 p.m :
Lunch, the most important (or often, the only) meal of the day. Remember to bring a reading article with you. Things like the newspaper for beginners, or books like the latest Harry Potter for advanced procrastinators. Remember never bite your food while you read, because it makes you read slower.

2 p.m :
Dishes in the sink! Head straight to the computer to play some games. If you meet your friend, sure you may have a little fun hanging out and stuff. But! You'll lose the chance to become a professional superstar cyber-athlete because you did not use that time on your games. So, never prioritise anything above your games.

4 p.m :
Already late. Didn't mean to though, but you can't quit a winning game. If not, you would be a noob quitter! At this point, you can choose to take a bath, or procrastinate it till after you come back from your meeting, since you'll get dirty anyway. Spend this time preparing for your outing. Don't worry about not being able to make it, because in the end, everything will fall into place. It’s a well-tested rule.

5 p.m :
Transport. Never run for any transport, especially one that is not near a bus stop. It'll make you sweat and sweating is a real big turn off.

6 p.m :
Great, 3 hours late. Improving...

Here's some tips for when a group of procrastinators are together.
1. Always accommodate each other.
If one decides to play a game five minutes before you have be somewhere, the rest of you have no choice but to do the same. If one finishes before the others, you have no choice but to start a new game.

2. Never go to a place by yourself.
If Tom decides to go to the kitchen to get water, Dick should go in right after him because it’s gay to drink water together.

3. If one should decide not to go, the others have to persuade him to go.
If suddenly one of them feels like staying home to play game, you should persuade him. Of course, such attitude is contagious, so it'll be the start of your persuasion cycle.

Okay, that’s all you need to know. Do carry them out and tell Null if it works, because he doesn't know.

Chalet Highlights 2005

2005-10-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

Welcome to "World Chalet Cup", featuring the very creative, action-packed, efficient, fun, sexy chalet action right on your favourite blog. We'll be marking them on creativity, action-pack value, fun value, and of course, sex appeal. We can't leave out that last category, no we can't. Now, introducing your hosts for the show, they are......

Jim, the award-winning host

And the special guest tonight, Limpeh

Jim : Welcome to the show! Nice to have you hear with us, Limpeh.
Limpeh : Eh, okay. *cough* Chao Ang Moh
Jim : Did you say something?
Limpeh : Bo la...
Jim : Alright, before we go on, I must comment that its a tickle your ass with a feather.
Limpeh : Wah, you cheeky ah. Geylang last night very happy, right? Don't need announce on National TV la.
Jim : Whats wrong with the particularly nasty weather?
Limpeh : Heh heh, okay okay la, don't make you paiseh. *wink wink*
Jim : Hrmph. Okay, moving right along. The players are showing a lot of potential this year, I must say that Singapore has great potential in the chalet field. An amazing feat for such a small island you live on, Limpeh.
Limpeh : Fucking Ang Moh, think America big I scared ah?
Jim : ...... I didn't mean it that way.
Limpeh : Just joking la, balls drop, right? Heh.
Jim : Heh. Okay, so lets take a look at some of the highlights from the players of... the Interactive Media Design (IMD) group.

Jim : Simply a marvelous lineup here. I heard Null was there, a big star player there, sure to spice things up. As you can see, the fashion effort put in for creative aspect of this competition is marvelous. Laid back with bermudas and summer colours, with a dash of pink to spice it up. Fiesty!
Limpeh : Meh? Where got fashion liddat. Don't see any gold chains or long sleeve shirts with tribal designs leh. Show you what is tok kong fashion.

Jim : Noooo! *whisper* Viewership's gonna hurt from this. Argh.
Limpeh : Relac la brother, I noe nice, don't need to excited until vomit one.
Jim : No, no, I'm fine. Lets just move on, and forget I ever saw that. Period.
Limpeh : Okay, sad with your own dressing after seeing hor? Its okay, one day Limpeh bring you go shopping. Of course, you pay for everything la. Heh.
Jim : NO! I mean... No, its okay. Really.
Limpeh : Okay. Whatever you say. Then I can spend the time go Geylang meet Ah Hui. You know hor, she damn power, that time she help me.......
Jim : Next, we have the action sequence of the year caught. We'll be playing it at a million frame per second. Please make sure your computer is fast enough, or you may not be able to enjoy it thoroughly.

Jim : Really nice one there giving a perfect score to the power-pack value. Simply graceful. Don't you think so, Limpeh?
Limpeh : And then hor, she touch me at that place la. You know what I did next? I ......
Jim : It also seems that there were alot of ideal family activites.

Limpeh : Wah, pak card. Limpeh like. Especially when people lose until siao. See also very funny.
Jim : You mean like this?

Limpeh : Wah, nah beh. So hor chio. Haha.
Jim : Indeed, Limpeh, indeed. Heh. Of course, we cannot miss out on the food. Here's what our hidden cameras, which were at the chalet's toilets, I mean, at the chalet, managed to capture.

Jim : This is breaking news! The players of the IMD groups have reportedly called the toilet their second home after eating the food at their chalet. It seems looks can be deceiving. This is most unfortunate. I guess this is where we have to end the programme. No players, no show. Any last words, Limpeh?
Limpeh : Wah lau, haven't show sex appeal catergory then K.O. liao. Jin GY eh.
Jim : Well said, Limpeh, well said.

Note :
The "World Chalet Cup" has been pulled off the air after one episode. Catch World Sexy Chalet Cup hosted by Limpeh at the same timeslot next week.

The Nameless Monster

2005-10-02T11:41:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a nameless monster.
The monster was dying to have a name so badly.

So the monster decided to set out on a journey to find itself a name.
But the world was such a large place.

So the monster split into two and went on to two seperate journeys.
One went to the East and the other went to the west.
The monster that went to the east found a village.

There was a blacksmith at the village entrance.
"Mr.Blacksmith, please give me your name" said the monster.
"I can't give you my name" replied the blacksmith.
"If you give me your name I will jump inside you and make you stronger in return." said the monster.
"Really? I'll give you my name if you can make me stronger.", the blacksmith told the monster.

The monster jumped inside the blacksmith.
The monster became Otto the blacksmith.
Otto the blacksmith was the strongest man in the village.
But one day he said:
"Look at me! Look at me!"
"The monster inside of me has grown this big!"

*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
The hungry monster ate Otto from the inside out.

The monster then went back to become a monster without a name.
Even though he jumped inside Hans the shoemaker....
*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
He went back to being a monster without a name again.
Even though he jumped inside Thomas the hunter.....
*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
He still went back to being a monster without a name.
The monster then went to a castle to find a wonderful name.
Inside the castle, there was a very sick boy.
"I'll make you stronger if you give me your name" said the monster
In reply, the boy told him "I'll give you my name if you can cure my illness and make me stronger."
So the monster jumped inside the boy.
The boy became very healthy.

The King was delighted.
"The prince is well! The prince is well!" said the King.
The monster became fond of the boy's name.
He also grew fond of his life inside the castle.
That's why he endured even when he became hungry.
Every day, even when his stomach became very empty, he endured.
But then he became so hungry....
"Look at me! Look at me!" said the boy.
"The monster inside of me has grown this big!"
The boy then ate his father, servants, and everyone.

*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
Because everyone was gone....
The boy left on a journey
He walked and walked for days.....

One day the boy met the monster that went west
"I have a name" said the boy.
"It's a wonderful name."
And then the monster that went west said...
"I don't need a name."
"I'm happy even if I don't have a name."

"Because we're monsters without names."
The boy ate the monster that went west.
Even though he now had a name....
There was no one left to call him by his name.
Johan.
It is a wonderful name.

Home Survival Guide

2005-09-25T17:44:00.000+08:00

Surviving the outside world is nothing compared to this. It was cruel, but Null made it. Somehow. Null will thus share with you the greatest experience of mankind... His journey of a lifetime, CODENAMED "HOME"!

The very first thing you need to do is plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. PLAN TO FAIL, I SAY. Have a good game plan. Literally. You gotta know which three hour slots you can dedicate to first-person shooters, and which six-hours slots you can dedicate to role-playing games. The reason is simple, if you place first-person shooters near lunchtime, how are you going to eat and play at the same time! (Note: This is if you do not live off a drip which most gamers do. Heh. If you do then...... Tag, you're it!)

You've got to have a decent amount of games to work with. Beg, borrow or steal. Okay, don't steal. Here's what Null managed to borrow from Michelle. Thanks again, Null will take good care of them... Forever...

Also, you can't be gaming the whole day. Actually, you can, but let's say you get nosebleeds everytime you see Yuna and her gang changing outfits in random battle , then you've gotta leave some room for watching animes and dramas. Or get a girlfriend. Either way, it's going to cost you.

Heres Null's collection of animes and dramas. In case you're wondering if this is actually how I keep my CDs, the answer is no. Null does not enjoy playing Jenga everytime he wants a particular CD from the middle of the stack.

Null would like to introduce his room's mascot.
Yep, dear ol' Evil Gold, there to remind Null of his evil goals. One of his horns was lost in a mascot wrestling match against the other mascot of the house. It doesn't matter what kind of mascot you have, as long as you have one. Better yet, one that is funny to look at. Without a mascot, Null predicts your morale will go down by fifty percent.

Next, let's take a look at the main gaming area.

Very cool, I must say. Lets take a closer look and Null shall explain the setup.
Starting from the top right, we have the "Tissue Box"! This high-tech tissue dispenser senses your need for a tissue by measuring the changes in humidity in the air and dispenses a tissue automatically! It comes in plenty of designs. Null is using the limited, Rabbit with Horse and Cat edition. Only ten in the world. Wait, ahhhh, now nine.

Next to it we have. Three items. One purpose. Normally, Null prefers Evian, but he is afraid of overdose of the minerals from the French alps. You might ask, why would Null have a bottle, cup and jug? Scared Malaysia suddenly withdraw water contract?
The answer is simply good influences from the goverment :
"Water is good, water is food. Water will suit your every mood. No matter where, no matter what, bring water with you. Everywhere."

Okay, moving on. We have the basic neccessities. The mouse and keyboard, Null shall feel. The moniter, Null shall see. The speakers, Null shall hear. Heres a view of Null's desktop if you're interested.

Hmmm, Null loves his desktop picture. You can have it if you want. Just ask.

Then, we have the three remotes. The white one is for Null's air-conditioner, aka life support system. Not having an air-conditioner in the room is like being on the moon without a space suit. The grey one is for the television. The black one is a great mystery. Null does not remember where it comes from. He is afraid to touch it. He thinks it controls... HIS LIFE!

With all these, you're set to go. Remember you *!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$

Ohhh, so this is what the black controller does... *!@#$!@#$!@#$*!@#$!@#$!@#$

Salesman Null And The Five Dollar Mugs

2005-09-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

In case Null doesn't update very often, you will still be visiting regularly.

Null works as a photographer for a tourist attraction, but also doubles up as the gift shop assistant. He has sold mugs to some pretty interesting people, lets look at some of them.

Indian Customers
By Indian customers, Null is referring to customers from India, not the usual bunch of people you see having picnics all around their estate.

Indian Customer : Show me. (Pointing at the mugs) Show me this.
Salesman Null : Sure, here you go, sir.
Indian Customer : How much?
Salesman Null : Five dollars, sir.
He then starts mumbling among his tour group.
Indian Customer : What is it made of?
The Indian Customer starts fiddling around with the mug, inspecting every last millimetre of it.
Salesman Null : Very good material, I assure you.
Indian Customer : *eyeing Null suspiciously* Hot water... How long? How long?
Salesman Null : Er... Five hours, sir.
Of course I didn't know how many hours it can keep hot water warm, I'm a bloody photographer.
Indian Customer : Hot, cold. Okay? *wobbling his head*
Salesman Null : Okay, okay. *head starts to wobble as well*
Indian Customer : Okay? *still wobbling his head*
Salesman Null : Okay. Okay. *yeo ah yeo*
Indian Customer : Okay? *haven't stopped wobbling his head*
Salesman Null : Okay... (Null only stops wobbling his head after it starts cramping)
Indian Customer : Give me five.
Salesman Null : Yeah! Man. High five!
Indian Customer : I want five mugs, you crazy man. No no, make that ten. I've got big family.
Salesman Null : Oh. Okay, here you go.
Usually, they either leave looking full of themselves or come back with more people.

Chinese Customers
Once again, these people refer to customers from China. These people are a tough (fortune, heh heh) cookie.

Chinese Customer : How much this mug?
Salesman Null : Five dollars, sir.
Chinese Customer : What! I could buy a house in China.
Salesman Null : ……
Chinese Customer : Come on, two dollars. I no tell your boss.
Salesman Null : Sorry, sir. The price is fixed by the company, I can’t change it.
Chinese Customer : Its okay, my Singapore tong zhi. I no tell your boss. Three dollars, give you a dollar to buy car. *winks*
Salesman Null : Really sorry, I can’t sell you for cheaper.
Chinese Customer : Wah, you drive a hard bargain, my tong zhi. Okay, here’s four dollars. Give me the mug.
Salesman Null : Really sorry. (Wah, this fella wanna qie me salesman.)
Chinese Customer : Hmmm... Okay, give me one. Give me two plastic bags.
Salesman Null : Here you go.
Chinese Customer (whisper) : Heh, sucker. *looks gleefully at his buys*

American Customers
The crazy Americans are at it again!

American Customer : I’ll buy that.
Salesman Null : Okay.
American Customer : Here’s a hundred dollar bill, keep the change.
Salesman Null : The mug costs only five dollars, sir.
American Customer : I’m too lazy to reach for change.
He then left without the mug, leaving a trail of dollar bills that Null had to clean up. You’ve gotta love these Americans.

Singaporean Customers
Wah lau, damn scary.

Singaporean Customer : Wah, nice hor, this mug. How much?
Salesman Null : Five dollars, sir.
The Singaporean customer heads straight for the door, never looking back.

Footnote :
Please do not persist that Null update his blog, he is a very busy man. He still has 19 disc of Korean dramas and a few animes to watch, do spare a thought for him.

Day Of The Gigs

2005-08-28T20:49:00.000+08:00

As if it was suddenly cool to play music without getting paid, town started to be infested with gigs and performances.

Null was in town to support his friends' band, Bassfish at a gig. Null has no time to tell the whole story as it would make him fail his modules, so he will just leave you with a simple photo story mode entry.

"I was like him once......"

I know money is important, but this is too much.

After my friends band was done, Null contemplated staying to watch later performances, but changed his mind when the next band sounded like an epitome of a distortion pedal.

He proceeded to join his friends in a beautiful partaking of daily bread, where we share food and also share love, friendship and fellowship.

Sharing was the key word here.

After enjoying his diluted chicken soup, he proceeded to the beatbox competition.
Of course, what beatbox competition is without Null going up and giving a few beats.

The crowd response was overwhelming. So overwhelming that Null walked away with nothing but three more years of therapy.

*Long Footnote:

Null will not blog for the next week because he has three assignments at hand. Summarising them, they are about :
1) Moulin Rouge
2) Evil Rabbits
3) Sandwiches

For his first assignment, Null puts a lot of effort into it. Not only because he has two wonderful (female) teammates, also because Null spends most of the project time not doing the project.

However, he could not say the same about the other two. He was deeply truamatised by the evil rabbits and had to see a therapist. As for the last one, all he could remember was "HTML is like a sandwich...".

The Hunt For The Legendary Fish

2005-08-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

It was his life, his passion. Adventurer Null have been searching for the Legendary Fish for three years. The legendary fish was infamous for its monstrosity. It was rumoured to be able to swallow a man whole and cause whirlpools with a flip of its tail. No one have ever seen it before. Those who did, didn't live to tell the tale.

Adventurer Null looking good.

All clues led to a place in the middle of nowhere, a beach on a remote island, called Punggol. Obviously, Null could not do it alone. He had to form a party consisting of the world's greatest adventurers like himself. He immediately knew where to look.

His party members consisted of :

Joe : The greatest warrior known to man

Joe, as his title claimed, is indeed a fearless adventurer with decades of experience. Doesn't talk very much though.

Papa Smurf

Null invited Papa Smurf on this hunt simply because he is funny to look at.

The Bangala Beng

The Bangala Beng speaks Hokkien surprisingly well.

With a formidable party such as this, Null went ahead without fear. It was a long and tedious stroll to the destination. Along the way, Null tried to increase the fellowship among the group by attempting to start group conversation.

Adventurer Null : C'mon guys, look at that beautiful anaconda right next to you. Simply magnificent. Oo, it took a bite out of you. Mischievous creatures they are......
Joe : ......
The Bangala Beng : Kannina. Laopeh Smurf si liao la.

That went well.

Not being too bothered about the lost of a party-mate, we continued on the journey. It was then that we spotted a potential party member.

A gleeful looking Mr. Mah

Adventurer Null was overwhelmed to spot our friendly local politician. The party could use (abuse) some government power. Null quickly invited him to join the party, only to be refused immediately. Null was about to expose his biceps of the crocodile when he saw why...

An explained gleeful looking Mr. Mah

We don't blame you, you sick little #@*%&.

Unfaded, we continued the tedious stroll. Adventurer Null was getting tired avoiding crushing ants on the pavement when they reached their destination.

Beach Of No Return

Without warning, the bright blessed day dissolved into the night sacred night. Darkness fell. It was said that when the legendary fish is near, day will become night.

Day became night.

At this point, nothing will stop us now. Except that we forgot the bait. Null was not worried as there were many fishermen around.

Null decided to pick one of them to be the bait. However, they look so unkempt that Null was afraid that the lice in their hair might suffocate him. Lucky for him, Joe was there to do the deed.

"I'm too fast for you."

He approaches the man with stealth and within a blink of an eye, the man was bait. Null wanted to take a nice action shot of the ownage, but his camera's shutter speed was too slow. If you happen to have a nice, new 8.0 mega pixel camera taking up space in your room, Null would gladly help you safe keep it.

The Bangala Beng was also in the photo but he made use of his passive skill to camouflage into the nights' settings. The only way to reveal a Bangala Beng is by throwing a flash bang like Null did.

Boom, headshot!

Since The Bangala Beng was in his stealth mode and Joe went into hibernation, it is now the beginning of "The Wait For The Legendary Fish". While waiting for the wait, all Null caught was this lousy fish.

Bassfish

*Note : Just kidding. Good gig by good fishes. Though I think you guys need a better vocals, maybe someone named me?

Blogs Of The Century

2005-08-18T15:27:00.000+08:00

Host : Introducing the judge for the Blogs Of The Century Awards...... He is none other than...... *drum rolls*
Null, the critique! How about an opening speech, sir?
Null : ..............
Host : It looks like Null has gone into his full concentration mode (a.k.a coma), lets proceed to take a look at the finalists. These blogs are simply too good to be true. Asking me not to visit them is like asking a pedophile in a playground not to touch! Hur hur.
Ahem, in no particular order, we have...

1. Blog of Emo Tan.

"Burn in my pain, for it's all I have."

Filled with words coming from the inner-most regions of his mind, Emo Tan has achieved a milestone in touch the masses' hearts with his words and feelings.

Quoted right from his blog :
"i woke up this morning, i ponder. i close my eyes, darkness envelope me. my body starts to succumb to the fear that reaches from within. maybe it was destiny, maybe it was the urge to transcend evil into my body as a medium. maybe its u."

Very true indeed, Mr Emo. Very true.

2. Blog of Ah Lian.
Viewer's disgression is advised. Oops, too late.

"mY fWeNs sAy i LoOkx LiKe oU XuAn~!"

Ah Lian's blog is simply shining and looking splendid this century. Littered with photos and neo-prints of herself, her blog oozes of flamboyance. Her series of animated GIFs served to help people who have vision problems to see better, how innovative!

Let us look at some of the best moments of her blogs :
"tOdAee wEnt oUt wItH mY dEaRiEzZ lOrX, hE sIbEi cUtE deX cAnz?!! bUy fOr mE tHe pUrEs mIlK tAnK toPxX, cOoL leHZz...... luB hiM loRx, luB hiM loTs LoTs. hOw mI wIsH uPoN a sTaR tHat wE cUd lAsT 4eVa! mI Lub uU mY dArLieZz"

Good luck with that toothpaste, Ah Lian.

2. Blog of John Paul.

"My...... My Char Kuay Teow..."

This blog is so magnificent, some people even says it resembles a popular book (can't remember which)! Simply outstanding visuals (of statues) and marvelous words of wisdom, in fact there wasn't a single word of non-wisdom at all!

Here's a great excerpt from 3:16 of his blog :
"Hallelujah, blessed be my day as I feast on my daily bread. It's simply the will of God that allowed me to be able to finish eating my Char Kuay Teow (extra oil) without sucuuming to a heart attack first. Praise the God Almighty, his son, and the holy spirit for such a gift. Amen."

4. Blog of Dick.

Null only censors what he needs to.

Bearing the highest readership numbers among the blogs, many people flock to his blog to enjoy his beautiful collection high-quality pictures and videos. *giggles like a school girl*

Beautiful moment :
"today got my colleague drive us out for lunch... she wearing skirt suit... the skirt too tight to see much... cannot see her upskirt... dunno inside is cloth or hair... but when coming back that time raining and we run back to the car... all wet wet... we get back to office that time can see everyone clothing stick to them... can see her wet bra line... but no panty line! no gstring line also! i quite sure now she commando!"

I'm sure our judge is well-versed with this one.

Host : It's time to announce the winner! Over to you, Null!
Null : ..........
Host : Sir? Null, sir?
Null : ..........

*I cannot take this anymore... I'm saying everything I've said before... All these words they make no sense... I find bliss in ignorance... Less I hear the less you'll say... But you'll find that out anyway...

電車男

2005-08-14T20:49:00.000+08:00

It was a dark and stormy night, Null was watching his favourite Japanese drama in his cosy abode. Suddenly, the ground shook and the floor splitted into two, opening a gateway to hell. Amidst the chaos, my VCD player, together with my Japanese drama VCD, plunged towards the crevice. If not for Satan at the other end of the magma-filled hole, Null would have dived straight down for it.

Seeing his favourite drama go down in flames was a big blow to Null, but instead of meaningless reminisce, he decided to introduce his current favourite Japanese drama to you.

Densha Otoko
(電車男, which literally translate as "Train Man")

Without further ado, allow Null to introduce to you the male protagonist of the drama...

Are these creatures capable of reproduction?

Null had to wear safety goggles for this one. For all those "files which must not be named" in your computer, I assumed all of you have one next to you. Go ahead and wear it, it protects you plus you'll look as cool as Willy Wonka.

The protagonist of the drama is Yamada Takeshi (played by Itou Atsushi) who is introduced as an "otaku". After saving a beautiful lady (chiobu, if you're engrish is that bad) on a train, he then chronicles his subsequent dates with the woman and requests help on the Japanese mega-BBS (forum) 2ch.

"I like your carrots. Heh."

Through the advice from the hundreds of thousands of anoyomous posts, he plucks up the courage to phone, date and declare his love for "Miss Hermes", so dubbed for the brand-name teacups she gave him as a thank-you gift.

To see a geek get a haircut, buy new clothes and break out of his shell is really heartwarming, simply because this is something Null will never go through. It's like watching self-extreme makeover.

Null became more fascinated with the drama after finding out that it was ostensibly a true story, based on an actual thread in 2ch sometime between March and May of 2004.

Click here to see a compilation of the actual thread and here for the official website.

And here's a "short" excerpt from Wikipedia about the true story if you're interested, if not feel free to skip this passage and lose out. Loser.

Between March and May of 2004, an anonymous user posted in a thread for single men to decry their woes. His post detailed an event that had happened that day as he was riding the train. According to his account, he was sitting on the train when he noticed an attractive woman. Suddenly, a drunken man entered the car and bothered many passengers, who did not offer any resistance to his disturbance. This man then began to badger the woman, and seeing no one else coming to her aid, the poster took the risk of telling the man to stop bothering the passengers. The two struggled for a short time while the other passengers used this distraction to summon the conductor, who took control of the situation.

This poster was an extremely introverted, socially inept otaku. Never having done such a thing before in his life, he was amazed to find that the woman was thanking him deeply for saving her from harassment. They exchanged addresses and parted ways. The poster, upon returning home, began talking with other posters in the thread and was nicknamed "Densha Otoko" (Train Man) for his bravery.

A bit later, Densha received a package from the woman he had saved. This package, originally thought to be a generic thank-you gift such as one would buy in a drugstore, turned out to be an expensive tea set. Flabbergasted, the he turned to the 2channelers for advice; he was soon convinced that such a gift was too expensive to be a mere thank-you gift. Densha contacted the woman and began meeting her regularly, all the while posting updates and conversing with other posters. Following their collective advice, he got a haircut, purchased new clothes, and began to come out of his shell. After a while of seeing her, his personality had changed for the better and this culminated a few months later in his confessing his love for her. She accepted and when the 2channelers were informed of this there was a mass celebration; posts began flowing in congratulating the new couple, extravagant Ascii Art pictures were posted.

Because 2ch has an enormous impact on net culture in Japan, this story quickly spread throughout the media and became an instant hit. Its almost fairy-tale-like simplicity and emotional power drew people in, and a copy of the original threads was successfully published in a printed book. Since then, there have been four manga adaptations of the story, as well as a feature film which reached #1 in the box office upon its release, and there is a TV live-action drama currently airing as of this writing. According to Densha Otoko and Hermes (the nickname of the woman, so-named for the brand name of the tea set she sent him), they are still together.

-End-

There's even a novel and a movie for it, but Null highly recommends watching the drama unless you don't mind losing out. Again. Loser.

Spot the difference in casting.

A novel full of forum posts!

This series that airs on Fuji TV in Japan. For those not living in Japan, you can read my blog every Tuesday night at 10 pm and you'll feel as if you're watching the drama in Japan!

Or you could download episode one here.

Chronicles Of A School Junkie

2005-08-11T11:50:00.000+08:00

Null is a school junkie. He admits it.

Null, the school junkie.

What is a school junkie, you ask. From the trusted dictionary.com, these were the results yield.

No entry found for school junkie.
Did you mean Carl Jung?

Null went on the click on the link to find out who this Carl Jung might be.

Carl Gustav Jung (July 26, 1875 – June 6, 1961) was a Swiss psychiatrist and founder of Analytical Psychology.
Null would include the rest of the description, but he is afraid that people would start using his blog as a substitute for sleeping pills. Basically, what it says is that he's a researcher of people who day-dreams.

If dictionary.com relates a psychiatrist of day-dreamers to the term school junkie, the natural assumption is that school junkies day dreams a lot. Null respects that assumption and admits he is, in fact, very dreamy to look at.

Here's the proper (Null's) explanation of the term "school junkie".
A person whose life evolves around school and not much else.
Sorry, to disappoint you if you expected an essay, but it's that simple.

Null would like to share with you people his worst day of his life as a school junkie. Even now, Null still shivers at the very thought of the fateful day.

Null, the school junkie, went to school (Duh.) today, expecting another fun-filled day of lectures and tutorials. The moment he reached his class, the school junkie felt something amiss. There was nobody in class! Null looked left, looked right and left again (raised his hand and walked around the class), still to no avail. It was then that Null realized that it was only 7 a.m in the morning, he was two hours early as usual. Null forgets that not everybody is a school junkie.

Null then pretended as if he was in a lesson, listening attentively to an imaginary lecturer for the next two hours to prepare for the four-hours class he has ahead.

It was almost time for lessons to start as more and more classmates started to appear. Time sure flies when you're having fun! Null decided to take the little time that he has to interact with his classmates.

Null : HI! CLASSMATE!
Classmate : Er...... Hey.
Null : EH, TODAY DOING FRAMES, YOU KNOW!!! SO FUN, RIGHT??? BEEN WAITING FOR THIS LESSON SINCE DON'T KNOW WHEN.
Classmate : Er... Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.
Null : SURE, SURE! TOILET IS GOOD. COME BACK QUICK THOUGH, BET YOU WON'T WANNA MISS A SINGLE SECOND OF THE LESSON.

Null have not seen that classmate since that day. This made Null look out for her on Channel 5's "Missing" (in the school's cable room) every Tuesday evening. If you're out there, please come back from the toilet, everybody is worried for you... Your family, friends, me, the frames...

That aside, it was time for lesson to begin. Like every lesson, Null, the school junkie, had a countdown to the 9 a.m, the start of the lesson.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1......

Noooooo! His worst nightmare became reality.
It's 9:00:01 a.m and there's no sight of the lecturer. Null started rolling on the floor while making a series of animalistic grunts. Null told himself to relax, it wasn't the first time the lecturer was (a second) late and he did not want to have a seizure like the last time. Before he knew it, it was already 9:00:05 a.m! Nooooo! He rushed down to the General Office and demanded an explanation.

The fat lady (I think she was pregnant) behind the counter mumbled in some alien language and passed him a note. "Follow the white rabbit", she boomed a Darth-Vader-like voice and disappeared into the shadows. Null read the note anxiously. What he saw changed his life.

The note read :

Happy Birthday, Singapore

2005-08-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

Null : Hey, Happy 40th Birthday, Singapore.
Singapore : .........
Null : Happy 40th Birthday, Singapore!
Singapore : .........
Null : Wah, sibei dao.

Today, is a glorious day. Null jumped out of bed today, gleaming in the patriotism that the sunlight carried from all the country. Null skipped pass his morning routine, prepared to bask in his everlasting love for his country and its people.
Null loves his country...... England.

Just joking.

Null is a Singaporean, although some people tell me I look like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt who aren't Singaporean. Null loves his country because of so many things. He will name them as soon as he knows what they are.

As for today, Null contemplated attending a National Day event at the National Stadium or Padang, but he is afraid of terrorist attacks. Null did not want to stay home as it will make him a dull null, therefore he decided to attend the National Day event at Tampines.

On the bus on the way there, null encountered two old ladies talking as if they were at Speaker's corner and half of their audience did not bring their hearing aids. Null did not take a picture of them, or the old ladies will attack him with their umbrellas like most of them do. However, he will give you a detailed account of what happened so all of you can handle it as skillfully as he did.

Problem : Loud, old people oblivious to the fact that not everyone is deaf.

What null did :
At first, Null tried to ignore them, but he did not enjoy gossips about Majong and daughters getting married.

Then, Null tried speaking louder than them and maybe they will get the hint. He learnt that old people are not good with hints when the old ladies started talking louder to hear each other over his voice.

Null then put on his coolest Steve Austin (oxymoron alert) face and challenged them to a mud wrestling match, which they promptly refused. They did not make any noise after that. Wonder why.

Null was in a good mood, so he did not pursue the matter. Before he knew it, he arrived.

Null walked around, squeezing past a sea of red and white, proudly representing our national colours (Null was in brown, which he thinks represented shit).

Someone stole Null's kitchen tiles!

It appears that the heartlands were not safe from terrorists as well. Thank you, Singapore Armed Forces dudes.

Null did not stay very long as he was very upset with the missing items of his goodie bag. He's so upset that he is going cry himself to sleep.

Good night. *sniff*

Mission Impossible - CCN Day

2005-08-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

"Mission Impossible. Over."
"Negative, mission is very possible. Over."
"KNNBCCB, limpeh say impossible means impossible la. You huan lo simi... ... Over."
This message will destruct in *BOOM*.

Mission : Find the best stall of CCN day.

However, it was simply mission impossible for every aspect of it. Even though he found the answer, he made many mistakes, therefore deeming the mission as a failure. For agent null, it was the first time he failed a mission, spoiled his record. As upset as he was, he still has to produce a report to the higher authorities to account for his actions.

First, Agent null, armed with advanced Global Positioning System devices and other really high-tech stuff (like an Ipod), accessed the situation. It was crucial that there were little guards and civilians, then null could prevent unnecessary casualties and stealth through the danger.

Agent null decided to pack bag and go home.

Just kidding, Agent null is a top agent in CIA, FBI and SPCA. A little danger means nothing to him. Big mistake. This marks the start of his mission impossibilities.

It was impossible to move in the crowd of civilians without drawing attention. Agent null does not look very outstanding. In fact, he looks like how any other FBI, CIA and SPCA agent would look like. (Refer to picture.)

Agent null on a mission to discreetly scratch his privates.

Yet, despite his stealth skills, he seems to draw attention where ever he goes. Respecting this experience from his past missions, Agent null decided to take an alternative route, but he was distracted by......

Temp1ajion Paradise!

Agent null was not thought self-control in FBI, CIA and SPCA academy, therefore he could not resist the temptation. Soon, battle tactics and weapon handling gave way to *******. Hormones raging, he entered only to be greeted by......

"Waaaah. Buay tahan!"

Agent null went into a level 3 Berserker Rage, switching from a ranged attack to a melee attack. Losing 100 mana and gaining bonus damage, he steadily approaches his victim. Storm the front!

"Zhao ah!"

Unfortunately, "Temp1ajion" isn't a typo for "Temptation". It means "can see, cannot touch" in Buaylunese language. Agent null regrets not paying attention in his weekly Buaylunese language class. So paiseh.

Agent null quickly regained his composure and continued his mission with his hard-on still unsatisfied. He decided to disguise himself as a worm to further stealth himself. Along the way, there were some distractions like......

Talk about disrespect!

This one didn't read the FAQs.

Animal abuse!

These chicks were survivors of the Nazi concentration camp, their comrades were not as fortunate. They were then tortured by being placed in full view of their sunny-side up comrades and also Hello Kitty! The horror!
Due to his phobia of Hello Kitties and that he wants to be focused with the mission at hand, Agent null decided to let this one slide.

After a few hours of crawling on his belly through the throngs of people, Agent null spotted a clue!

Dark Secrets : Reveal The Truth

Finally, the truth is out there. *Plays X-files music* Agent null happily followed his lead to reveal the truth.

Unfortunately, Agent null could not find anything in the dark. For some reason, he lost the hard-on from earlier on.
Undaunted, Agent null continued his mission. After another few hours of maneuvering on his belly (Hugo Boss suit also dirty liao), he found the entrance to the secret shop! Dang, dang dang! Another problem arised.

Nine Dragons of the Boat

The secret was heavily guarded by nine imperial guards. Despite the blinding array of six-packs gleaming in the sunlight, Agent null was not afraid. Agent null is so well-trained that he will easily overpower them, he decided it was best to give them some chance. There was no better way that could involved all nine of them and not hurt them than.....

Bicep size will not help them with this one. Without a doubt, they were easily overpowered. Agent null's micro proved too intense for them.

With all obstacles out of the way, the moment of truth has arrived. The mission was complete (somewhat). The best stall for CCN Day 2005 is...... None other than......

"Lelong, lelong. Open 24 hours!"

Drink Machine between design school entrance and library.

*Note:
Null appreciates the effort put into CCN Day and would like to encourage all the stall holders to setup more stalls next year despite your loss. Also, he would like to encourage all attendees of this event to come again next year for more mission impossibilities. Chow Kuay Teow.

Biggest Balls Award

2005-08-03T21:17:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to several people with the biggest balls. How would you feel if you had the biggest balls and you were not appreciated for it? null sees this as a big problem and shall address it with this post. This ranking is entirely self-opinioned.

If you think your balls are bigger than watermelons and definitely bigger than any of the nincompoops here (you better watch out), go ahead and flaunt them and maybe I'll notice them enough to put it up here. If you think someone else has much bigger balls, feel free to nominate them via comments.

I know that technically, girls don't have balls, but for this post's sake, let's assume they do. Don't forget to unassume after or consequences can be dire.

7. Ah Seng

" Ai sio kan mai!!??"

In seventh place, we have a familiar face. This chao chee bye kao peh my friends and I outside pub last time. Very wuji, but kana beaten till bo ji. Still, he's earned himself a place on my list. Hope you enjoy this recognition, as well as your testicles reconstruction surgery.

6. African Tribesmen

"Woooooooo!"

The scientist T.H. van de Helde claimed that testicles sizes doesn't differ much. Testicles are normally not bigger than 4 - 4½ cm long und 2 - 2⁴/₅ cm wide.
But there exists a parasite worm who occupies the lymph. Because the lymph is blocked the testicles swell over the size of a medicine ball. In some African tribes the men wears this swollen testicles very proudly. It is considered as a symbol of potency and strength.

5. TT Durai

"I used the entitlement."

In fifth place, we have our very own wonderful, caring, lovable ~~NKF Chief Executive Officer~~, Mr. Durai simply because he established such fine courage amidst the courtroom drama. Hey, its one man versus the entire nation of charitable Singaporeans, we have to respect that. I'm sure being on null's list of people with biggest balls beats that six-figure paycheck by a mile. You'd better agree on the size of this man's balls, this distant relative of African tribesmen can crush you with his wallet if you think otherwise. Don't worry Mr. Durai, you might have lost the battle...

4. Kenny Sia

"Man With Biggest Balls In Kuching"

This C-list blogger isn't called "Man With The Biggest Balls In Kuching" for nothing. Blogging out what's in your mind (especially the one in question) requires a great deal of balls, so much so that he saves thousands a year on cushions. To find out the size of his balls, tune in to next week episode of "Fact or Fiction : Jurassic Parts".

3. Oyama Matsutatsu

"Buay song, sibo?"

This guy is no joke. Apart from Darth Vader, he's the only guy that can say, "Wa Si Lin Lao Peh" in the middle of an arcade full of bengs. For those of you who watched the 2004, "Fighter In The Wind", this man is no stranger. Who breaks bull's horns and knock out world-class martial artists in one punch? You would be first on this list if you could sustain a punch from his "God's Hand".

2. Steven Lim

"Somebody stop me!"

You've got to admit, this guy has balls. From his appearance and Singapore Idol, this guy has shot to ~~fame~~ shame by his wacky antics and various guest appearance. You will see this attention whore work at his terror campaign till you see him everywhere, everyday, for the rest of your lives. THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!

1. Furong Jiejie

"Taste like @(*#!."

Undisputed. Despite the warning about girls with balls, I begin to suspect an exception with this one. She is China's secret weapon of mass destruction, those damned communists are going to take over the world, I tell you.
Here's an excerpt from one of her recent post :
"When they look at me,
their hearts crumble like old bread,
their minds shatter like icicles,
they stumble and fall. I am most beautiful of all.
Big of breast and Big Behind, keeping one thing on your man's mind.
Watch out! He is having you but thinking of me."
Need I say more?

I can't think of anymore ballful people, do nominate. I will update this post as till the world gets so congested with big-balled people, then I will rank the people with the smallest balls.

Live life with Lim Peh

2005-07-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

Welcome to another episode of "Live life with limpeh, (or I will give you hoseh)". This is your host, Lim Peh”

"Trust Lim Peh, because Lim Peh say no evil."

Today, I show you how to make your life happier than everyone else, or at least a lot easier, with just a few easy steps. In fact, this method is so popular and widely accepted that there is a Singlish word for it.

This wonderful way is none other than......(drum rolls)
"Bo Chup!".

Bo chup attitude is one of the biggest part of the society in Singapore, you see it in everyone, sometime or the other.
You will understand how to bo chup and still succeed!

Lesson Objectives

You will learn several ways to bo chup and not be accused for being a lazy ass.
You will learn that its easy to bo chup things, even if it matters to you.
You will understand the how to love Lim Peh and give him all your money through anonymous wire transfer.

Bo chup is your key to success. You might ask, “How can?” Lim Peh tell you can. Ask yourself, can you make things better if you chup?

Lets refer to this true story :

A wants to meet B, but B says no because B wants to meet C. Actually C likes A a lot but has problems with her friends D, X and M who likes A. So if B likes A again, then C will have a lot of problems. What can C do to make everyone happy?

What is the moral of the above story?

If you don't understand, by all means, bo chup.
Even if you say its a true story, people will also bo chup. So, why bother?

Now you ask, O' wise Lim-sensei, what if I understand but I don't want to chup without getting into trouble. Okay, Lim Peh will teach you some advanced techniques of the Bo Chup.

Lets create a scenario for the purpose of this exercise.
So, you're part of a time-wasting, meetings-intensive project group filled with fugly people and you simply see no purpose and meaning in your existence within the group. But if you just bo chup, you'll be penalized on your participation marks. The key thing that you have to do is make it look like their fault for your lack of participation.

1. Act overenthusiastic.
No one likes an over eagle beaver, but some are still fine with it.
What you have to do it to appear to be the most geared up son-of-a-bitch ever. You might want to try speaking really close to your group members in a deafening tone (Careful not to swallow team members).You can also do a short victory dance every time someone makes a comment that sounds like its helping the project.

2. Act like you are suicidal or deranged.
Imagine working with Dr. Hannibal Lecter for a project, you'll be checking if your arm is on his plate during lunch. Talk and relate a lot about death. This can be easy if your team mates look delicious.
No one wants to be near a psycho or a suicidal maniac, let alone work with them. You wouldn't even be contacted.

3. Act like a pervert or gay.
Make sure that none of your teamates are perverts or gays before proceeding with this technique. Do this step by repeatedly rubbing your crotch area while eye-ing your team member, or teammates' member.
Placing your hands on their laps and licking your lips while in their proximity will help them realise that you “toss the salad”.

4. Act like you have a terminal disease. Better yet, a contagious one.
Put your make-up skills to work. Use coughing, sneezing and maybe a little shivering to accentuate the “disease” that you're having. Soon, you'll realise you have a forcefield around you. Have some fun with this one but looking like you're going to vomit on anyone who comes near you. If you pulled it off well, you might even have some hot chicks tending to you.

The success rate of these methods depend on how you execute it. Lim Peh's teachings are never wrong, it is your learning that isn't right. So, away with the devil of Chup, start your Bo Chup today.

Dictionary UOG

2005-07-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

UOG stands for Union Of Gods, a name me and my clique of friends came up with.
Its a little over the top, but it got stuck on us after awhile. We don't really care about the name, but if we have to call ourselves something, UOG will be it.

Names aside, this post will be the introduction of the language of the Union Of Gods.
The following words/phrases are originated from Union Of Gods. Even though they might be influenced by various sources, this is 100% original and unique language of Union Of God. If you heard it elsewhere, it came first from us.

Abede (a-beh-deh) Abbr. abd An original word from Rafdi which came up practically from nowhere. n.: A random word to say. It means absolutely nothing or anything.
Bokster (bok-ster) Created by myself, it is made up of the abbreviations of "buay-on-kia" where ster is to refer it to an individual.: Refering to an individual that is very inactive or reluctant to participate in activities, as in Peter is a damn bokster, he didn't want to go to Zouk last night.
La Though it has a same spelling as the "La" in Singlish, it has a completely different meaning. Eugene was the originator of this noun. n.: Possessing the characteristics of; resembling closely; similar to. Somewhat a lazy variantion of the word "Like" in the English language, often used in a sarcastic manner, as in That guy face like bird, la not lame looking.
Rainerphantitis (rain-ner-fen-tie-tis)
This is one of the many words by Rainer. It is made up of the words "Rainer" and "Elephantitis".
n.: A fictional disease where the patient affect oneself with dislike, displeasure, or revulsion with one's own words or actions.
Major Turn Off Abbr. mto: A phrase used to signify an event, person or thing that has a major turn off factor, as in Last night Peter send a picture of Ru Hua, sibei MTO.
Puaninama (pua-ni-na-ma) Abbr. pnnm An insult by Ziyu. It loosely translate to "broken up your mother". n.: 1. An insult which targets at the person's mother.
2. An exclamation, displaying aggressive or frustrated traits.
Pugong Originated from Rainer, its a male variation of the Hokkien slang, "Pubor", which literally translates to "Fuck wife". n.: An insult which literally means, "I fuck your husband".
Reach Peak Abbr. rp: A phrase used to signify the maximum one can achieve in a particular aspect. This is usually used to emphasize on negative aspects in a irritated or frustrated tone, as in That Sand King reach peak of dumb, don't even know how to properly execute its combo.
Sakamalampar (sa-ker-ma-lam-par)
Abbr. skmlp
This word was spawned accidentally by Rainer during a rambling session. The original phrase was, "SIR YES SIR! SAKAMALAMPAR SIR!". It directly translates to "suck my lampar".: A rude exclamation, often used to sexually harass.
v.: To suck one's penis.
To The Max Abbr. ttm: A phrase that is somewhat similar in meaning to reach peak (see above). It can be used in the same sentence structure.
It can also be used by itself, as in That guy is damn stupid. To the max!

This list will grow and grow till I'm grey and old.
Your friendly, neighbourhood null, signing off.

Welcome to Document Null

2005-07-26T21:07:00.000+08:00

doc·u·ment
n.

A written or printed paper that bears the original, official, or legal form of something and can be used to furnish decisive evidence or information.
Something, such as a recording or a photograph, that can be used to furnish evidence or information.
A writing that contains information.

null
adj.

Having no legal force; invalid: render a contract null and void.
Of no consequence, effect, or value; insignificant.
Amounting to nothing; absent or nonexistent: a null result.

Hello.
Welcome to Document Null.

This is my second shot at blogging. My first blog ended tragically when customization got the better out of me. I was slaving endless days and sleepness nights at the presentation of my blog that I went crazy and had to have therapy.

I'm just kidding, but it sounds way more cool than saying I got lazy.

I figured I have to start my blogging experience off proper. Here's a short FAQ.

What is Document Null?
Its a document containing leaked goverment secrets. Charities conspiracies, revealed locations weapons of mass destruction and how to make an atomic bomb are some what you can expect from this site.

Okay. Document Null is a document of my life, as a student, a slacker, a gamer and a human being (subject to change). What you read here is purely opinion-based. If you don't like what you read, don't read. If you like what you read, I'd be more than happy to welcome you into my world.

So, who are you?
Wa Si Nin Lao Pei.
Once again, I'm only kidding. Otherwise, you would look like Tom Cruise or Jessica Alba.

I am a graphic, video, web designer studying in Temasek Polytechnic. Just your everyday average Joe, blogging about his life, going to school everyday, playing games during my holidays, working out at the gym sometimes.

Nothing to see here, move along.

Wah, designer sia.
Haha, maybe its not that big a deal. Still, I pride myself in my designs. Since being in Temasek Design School, design is now MY LIFE. Or at least, its taking up my life.
You can see them here if you're interested. I do freelance work as well, so feel free to approach me if you're interested in my services.

I realised the last sentence sound so wrong by itself.

Where did you get your template from?
I hand-coded it from scratch myself. I used some templates as reference, but its pretty much as original as it can get. By the way, I hate blogspot's HTML.

It may look rather plain and boring, but a lot of work was put into it for maximum optimization. In my opinion, though simple, it reflects my visual style of "Null" very well.

So, if you see a blog with the exact same template as mine. Email me. I will flying kick the person's face till people mistake his face for a sidewalk.

Nabeh! I thought I was your friend, how come I'm not in your links?
Perhaps you have your blog URL tattooed on your forehead, then I apologize for being such a cock-eyed yandao kia.

If not, please let me know that you even have a blog and rest assured, you will see it in my links before you can pronounce "hjwodjU*mdf!neewr".

Your blog is lame, so are you.
Well, your mama pussy nua.

How can I contact you?
Unless you're my friend, I don't think you can. However, if you're violently desperate, you can email me at documentnull@hotmail.com. I don't check it much, but I do check it. Just not much.

Will you marry me?
Hmmm, my mind says no, but my heart says......
no.
So, no.

Thank you for reading the FAQ.
See you again. Have a nice day.